I could have mohawked her pubes.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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