you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You need a sexual gate keeper
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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