better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
