What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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