I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
