i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
