why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
