Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
