you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
