Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
