am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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