And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
