this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
