really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
