Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
