I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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