I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
