Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This baby is an asshole
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
