The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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