peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
