Whod you bang
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
