Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
