normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
