Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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