I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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