What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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