I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
