Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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