yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
