Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
