She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
