I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
