whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
