There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
