Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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