Me. At least after what I've been through.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
