Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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