Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
