I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
