Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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