just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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