we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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