halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize