Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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