1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
