btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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