why didn't you poke me back
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
