He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my shit smells like andre
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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