Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
