I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
