Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
