those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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