i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
