I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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