You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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