the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
