hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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