hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
