I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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