Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
