508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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