I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
