I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
