WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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