I think I just saw someone hide a body.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
