I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
