If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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