So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
