just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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