Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
