bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
