He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
